It's just A Poem

It’s just a poem,

It’s just some words,

It’s just some chords,

And just some cries.

It’s just a poem,

It’s just some feelings,

Just some deep unknown meanings,

And some memories of some weepings,

It’s just a poem,

It’s just some silent shouts,

It’s just some water from the clouds,

And some pain doing the rounds.

It’s just a poem,

Its just what’s left of mine,

It’s just some blood and cold whine,

And some worthless words that shine.

It’s just a poem,

A heartless and desperate line,

No plea for anyone kind,

Just a poem with all heart and no mind.

A new start

Everyone deserves a nice life. A life full of happiness and fun where he can just be himself and not think about what’s going on anywhere else. But how many of us get it? They all say that happiness is with you. You decide whether you want to be happy. But how true is that? God I have tried to be happy every time. But there are these so called philosophers that insist that happiness is inside you. What I have realized in life is that either you can be yourself or you can be happy. Just being yourself in inversely related to you being happy. No one wants you to be the person who u really are. And if you do behave the way u really are, u are asked questions as to what you have become.

They say we all have a “Theory of mind” that is we have a pretty good estimate of what other person is thinking. But really do we? Who cares what other person is thinking?

Its questions like this that troubles me a lot of times. And it all feels like a cycle. Cycle of short lived happiness followed by troubles and problems, followed by questioning myself and my way of life and then a new start….

Is it the conscience??

Perhaps an overdose of psychological movies or the mere physical presence in a location that boasts of unraveling brain mysteries has lead me to this title. The grandeur of brain being the seat of secrets and the source of unimaginable power seems so overrated to me. When on one half of the balance we keep the potential of unleashing limitless power while on the other half we keep the self devastating inner core that razes down even the mightiest of achievements.

My statements might seem so trivial but its so evident when our own conscience is burning us down. You may fight the world from outside but what if your own self has disowned it!!

Whatever cardinal sin it might be, jealousy, hatred, lascivious act, it catches up with you. So why are driven to such things??. what makes us not follow what is right and what is not? Is the definition of right so screwed that we fail to comprehend it. Perhaps the fault is with the conscience itself. First it lets us drown into vile and depraved caverns and then when we wake up, it castigates us for the sin we just committed... Perhaps....

Insecurities of life...

Life is strange. i always thought i was the 1 complex and perplexed. but the truth is that no 1 is spared from the vagaries of life. we all no matter how cool may project ourselves, get worried crazily over something or the other. what we get crazy on differs from person to person. Even the seemingly coolest person has insecurities, whether it is regarding his future, his girl friend/ boy friend or regarding his friend circle. many a times our biggest asset of living in groups becomes our worst nightmare.

Being in a relationship is demanding, we have to do stuff that we don't want to do just to stay in the relation. we are regularly infested with insecurities of being left alone, left behind. Alone at the junctions of life crying out silent tears for help and praying that he/she would listen, would notice.

life is complex and if u thought u have seen enough, experienced enough emotions, learned how to live in relations and avoid confrontations, u are so wrong!!!
Guess we would never be able to crystallize the essence and secret for being happy in a relation at all points.....

LeT iT bE...

When the world is trying to drown you,

When the world surrounds you,

When everyone wants answers from you,

Let the words be clear to you.

Let it be….

When curses stop punching you,

When regret fails to bother you,

Just think wild and feel free…

And just let it be….

For the world is mean and coward,

Pain and suffering is the only reward.

For no one can truly see,

Just let it be…..

Happiness is the gift they despise,

Tax is what they desire.

Happiness is for the courage and strong,

Pardon me for being weak and wrong..

No matter what I would still remain free,

And always say let it be….

When Friends hurt...

September 1,2008 was a difficult day for me....
i just wanted to skip the day...as if just the touch of the day would burn my skin...
i didnt want to be seen......nor did i wanted to be heard...

So i just shut myself in my room...slept the whole day trying to avoid any rare glimpses that i might have been forced to encounter...

The toughest thing to do in life is not to run away from the world...but to run away from yourself....i felt trying to force my self into ignorance that if i keep my eyes shut, no one, not even myself would be able to see me!!!

My friends, were perturbed by the whole thing, enquired me bout my erratic behavior...
but unfortunately i couldn't tell them...

They say "you can solve all problems of life if you have friends with you..." But what if the friends themselves give you the pain of problems???? Who do u go to then???

Its strange that friends can really hurt u badly... and wen they do they can really hurt so deeply that it takes the breath out of you.... The most articulate way to save ur self is by telling your friend what the problem is...

But i guess i've found my better way of fighting the troubles that i cant handle at that time....

I just dont handle them at that moment!!! I leave it to the Lord... and believe in him...Just as a new born believes in his mother....

It just works for me!!!!

Does crying help???

Crying is the well known phenomena where tears roll down the eye.The usual occurance of this phenomena is when we are in some emotional trouble,when feel sad abut something...when something so close to us leaves us and the only way to bid adieu is the tears... apart from these...tears can also roll down when a foreign body tries to barge in....and last of when we are cutting onion!!!!!

biologically speaking... tears are the mechanisms by which we can prevent bacteria or some other foreign material from damaging our eyes....It contains something we biologists call lysosomes...

the question now is does crying help??? we have always used tears as a means of letting ourselves know of the immense grief our body is going thru at that time.....we have used it as a way to calm our body after a difficult situation that we find incapable of handling...even though crying may portray our inner weakness of handling the emotional trauma....Men prefer to avoid it...Even though todays metro sexual men dont hesitate to show it off!!!

Although women have many a times used it as a potent weapon to ensure their conquest over men....

Knowing Someone....truely....

First of all the inspiration of this post...Even though my quest for knowing people is not new (refer to activities in orkut profile!! ) but it has been proliferated by some of the latest observations of people around me...

These are the last days of the college and probably time to look back just a bit and see what mess we created!!! but along with the smiles on own follies (and of course of others!!), it is also time we kinda feel the urge to be emotional and attached to people and memories associated with college...
It is an extension of this feeling that we try to understand people around us...

My story starts with this.Lately i have been questioning as to whether i know the people i know ( not that i didnt do that earlier!!!).

What prompts me is the initial results m getting...I have changed my opinions about a no. of people...People i thot were wicked and mean..turned out to be nicer than i thot....

Probably a lot of that things are because we have formed our closed friend groups and we make opinions about people based on what some 1 in our group has said or what the rest of the college says about that person....

But believe me until you have personally known some 1 closely...never make an opinion about that person...and even if you have made some opinion you should be flexible in changing them...
Wen people can change in a year or so...why can't you change opinion about that person...

I have, in my years in college, found people who have told me that they had an opinion bout me before...but after knowing me....they found it to be completely opposite....

SO THE MORAL OF BLOG IS: "NEVER MAKE AN OPINION ABOUT SOME ONE UNTIL YOU PERSONALLY KNOW THAT PERSON"

Maverick........

The title may sound bells to any one who has ever played Counter Strike...But the story is not about the gun Maverick...(Although the comparisons are on reader's disposition!!!)

The blog entry is inspired by my appreciation of the person and more predominantly the fact that its 1:38 am in the morning!!!!

The story is about a guy who never stops surprising me even though i have know him for like close to 3 years now!!! More over Now i have even stopped contemplating that i can ever know him...

The whole college has always appreciated and saluted the genius of the person...( including me).
In my endeavor to know the person lately i have realized the passion of the person,the craziness (in a good way!!),the energy level!!! and a hell lot of Heart on 1 side and the other side!!!

He has been like the gun in CS....Sharp at times....Silenced wen required....Dangerous and life threatening at times....

These kind of things have perplexed me to the hilt and now what better place to divert them than share it with every 1 ........Coz some time back i heard that the more you share your thoughts the better you feel....(Some thoughts barred!!!)

I just know (and wish) the guy has a sharp future(don't ask me what it means exactly!!)...
Even though i am a fan of his on orkut...Recently i became his fan in real life too!!!!

New Year Resolutions

Hi there to every one!!! Happy New Year to you...

The New year beacons us... Again!!!!
Again its that time of the year where our thoughts are meant to unite to look back at what all we did last year, what all we intend to do in the coming year....and do all the cliche stuff...

Its supposed to be the time to review and make new resolutions....Although m no anomaly to the system!!!!
But there are changes in my way of looking at it.For once what i believe is to not to reveal my resolutions till i have fulfilled them or atleast made a heartful effort to achieve them.

Although its still well into the mid of first month but my mind is still filled with random thoughts bout my future...Probably that is reflected in my actions too...

I just hope to do gud in the year and hope my random thoughts will translate into a stealth strategy, of which even m not sure!!!!

Use of Blogging???

Well many may question the timing of the blog especially wen we are in the middle of exams..
i dont know how this question poped in my mind....

But probably it was a remark by a friend that was very unexpected considering that i had gone to him to pull myself out of an impasse...

So what is my aim of writing a blog entry???Is it cheap publicity stunt???The way i put it on orkut says thing...so that it is updated in every 1's updates!! :P
Or is it that i feel its a source where i get to express my inner feelings....
Or is it its a manifestation of the my deepest and reserved carving for a literary stint????

well its i guess a bit of every 1 of these reasons....But foremost its a platform for me to write things which really appeal to me and are on my mind which probably i want the world to know!!!

Does crying help??

Crying is the well known phenomena where tears roll down the eye.The usual occurance of this phenomena is when we are in some emotional trouble,when feel sad abut something...when something so close to us leaves us and the only way to bid adieu is the tears... apart from these...tears can also roll down when a foreign body tries to barge in....and last of when we are cutting onion!!!!!

biologically speaking... tears are the mechanisms by which we can prevent bacteria or some other foreign material from damaging our eyes....It contains something we biologists call lysosomes...

the question now is does crying help??? we have always used tears as a means of letting ourselves know of the immense grief our body is going thru at that time.....we have used it as a way to calm our body after a difficult situation that we find incapable of handling...even though crying may portray our inner weakness of handling the emotional trauma....Men prefer to avoid it...Even though todays metro sexual men dont hesitate to show it off!!!

Although women have many a times used it as a potent weapon to ensure their conquest over men....

The Ultimate Motive!!!

Well it might sound like a movie title but surely its far away from that...

I might not have told you that most of my blogs are written with an objective and a motive with a particular person in mind.Its always inspired by an incident in my life or a person close to me.

But the motive thing is not constrained just in blogs but all thru in my life in whatever i do...there has always been a hidden motive....like most of us...

The things we say..the actions we do... all are meant to pay us back in some way or other...
Some times we do things out of our way to please people...like waiting in long lines to get something so that other person doesnt have to!!!The times we become partial to favor something that may not be true or the righteous thing to do...

But i guess thats the way things are with humans and there should nt be any guilt in doing anything like that....

What kind of person are you- morning or night???

I dont know if people have tried to figure it out or not...but i guess this post will help them decide or at least think for a moment about what kind of person they are....

The whole thing started this morning when i expressed a long observed event...that of a friend looking like a chinki in the morning...(u kno the small eyes like Chinese or Koreans). this was always coupled by the morning slackness in him...so me and another friend of mine started discussing bout the thing. I remarked that he was not a morning person..

This was based on my previous days reading bout the discovery of new theory saying that we sleep when brain cells start sleeping!!
So in some people the cells are still sleeping even when they are awake!!! While others feel very refreshed after a sound sleep in the night and are back to full energy levels...These are morning people...

there is another group of people who are very active and in full form in the night...Those are the night people...u cant win over such people in the night...

Does the blog sound familiar to u???so i guess this is the time to figure what kind of person are u????

Angry at Friends???

"It hurt wen i had no friends,i was alone....But it hurts even more wen i have friends and still feel alone in the crowd......" this was my status message quite some time back....

Actually this was inspired by some ugly fights with some close friends...(not that any fight with a friend is beautiful!!). But believe me it was not a good experience for me in any way....I mean i couldn't understand what was happening with me...I was fighting on trifles...on issues no sane man would ever fight....I stopped talking to some ppl, started talking lesser to others..."They say if some one is angry at every 1 around him....he's not angry at any of them...but angry with himself..."

I was getting hurt on very small but important issues for me...I kno i have been thru the expectations thing....and i guess i have wasted enuf time thinking bout it....I used to think that m stupid to think like that...but it took some 1 to make me realise that things that matter to me are important...so i have started speaking my mind out...like if i dont like something i just say it rather than bury it deep and let it punish me every second...

But still some issues remain unresolved...But hey life is all bout this fight...trying to turn every wrong into life...and those which still remain u kindda start enjoying them eventually!!!!

The three dots...

Well i know, i kno people are gonna call me a paranoid wen they read this post...
But i guess its really time i commented on it, lest it should get the better of me.I guess a lot of people have watched the movie 24... Well this definitely is not a sequel to it. But still intruging enuf.

I dont kno if ppl have noticed there is a very common occurrence in our lives while we are writing which of course occurs mostly in smses,while making chotha (although its been replaced by latest micro xerox technique!!!) and sometimes while posting a blog entry...

I guess a lot of ppl might have noticed that by the title and the way i have written the post. For those who havent guessed yet... here is it...

still??

Its the ... dots that we so commonly see. gramatically seen there is no need for us to put 3 dots when 1 can do (unless we have said something very speedy and we need 3 dots to stop it!! )

whats intruging is why 3?? we could have done it with 2 or 4?

well i guess we have a genetic inclination towards 3???

Top 10 Myths/wrong notions about me!!!

Over the time people have made certain notions about me that are too far from truth...
i'd just like to clear them...

1. I am a very patient but abnormal and crazy Guy…Wrong!!!

I am a very impatient guy who can’t wait for anything… I can’t stand mysteries. I try to complete all my jobs as soon as possible.and except a few occasions of crazy drive...totally normal!!!

2. I am a Big Flirt!!!(a lot of boys and gals think that)……Biggest lie...

Probably the way I say things may suggest m 1 but m not…. I rarely hit on a gal seriously. So gals next time you think I hitting on you…just be sure.. I may be just talking to you!!!

3. I study 24x7…misconception…….Like other engineers I just study before exams…P.S. marks in the college are in no way related to how intelligent (or stupid )you are.

4. I am a snob???totally untrue…… I just prefer to talk lesser to people and keep to myself.. But I’ll help you if there is a problem even if I don’t know you… you just have to approach …

5. I am taking GRE….Not true… I love my country!!!( not that who are taking the test don’t!!)

6. I have lots of contacts and talk a lot to a lot of gals….Farthest from truth……I don’t talk to any gal on phone on any basis…

7. I am getting married???Hell no…M Not even engaged!! It was my Bro's marriage which some people for their vested interests rumored to be mine...

8. I attend all the classes..bunk no class….Not true..m not that sincere to studies.

9. i am pretty organised????NO WAY....come and check my room and u'll say no more...

10. Finally the biggest Myth.........I HAVE A GF?? TOTALLY FALSE... STILL SINGLE.......

Anger - reliever or destroyer???

Life is difficult many a times...It shows us a lot of its vagaries...Some times its beautiful but some other day, some other time you feel chucking everything for good...

One disadvantage of being introvert is that some disturbing issues get imprisoned in the mind...Which then churn your soul, searching for a solution.

When many such issues get stacked you feel like being smothered by the indomitable strength of your conscience. A war is being waged inside of you while people watch and admire your smiles and your refreshing energy...

Keeping to oneself is a great teacher...It teaches how to absorb humiliation,a hard word or comment, a bad break up, a heated argument,a hurting statement from a friend...But above all it teaches to calm the anger...

Most of the times i brush away anger by turning it into a joke...But some times it relapses...unwilling to be cowed down by any argument...which sometimes brings me to a situation where my personality begins to show changes...i get irritated at slightest pretext...the things which earlier used to be a mere joke now sends tsunamis in the mind and attracts a high pitched tone... filled with vengeance....

This brings me to the most important question!!! Is anger (preached by the wise to be the ruiner of everything) a reliever from the pain,a breath of freedom from the stress, an instance of uprising from within? or a passive killer that eats away a person???

Getting angry is not what i am very good at...Probably thats why i don't practice it much!!!!
Anger they say is the immoral of all...that depraves the mind making it intoxicated which then ceases to see any logic or hear any rational thought...

On the other hand, being angry lets out the frustration that is hell bent on bursting like a crater...It is a vent that lets the inner emotions see the outside light...

Probably anger is the red monster we like to become at times and its perfectly normally to be angry but it has to be controlled so that we know when to stop...lest it should ruin our lives for good!!!

The Binary life

In this age of computer technology, we have 1's and 0's every where...The whole world relies on the immense power of this zero and one. These are the latest toys of modern man!!!

But history has it that many a times the games a man plays, is played on him in turn!!!!
Our present life has in many ways become like these inanimate zero's and 1's, where a 1 is the indication of happiness and zero being the bottomless sea of sadness....

The life conforms to either of these....either we are happy or we are in sad mood...

Probably its the kind of surrounding we have...the 1 our life is emulating...Either it makes us happy, jump with joy and the next time plunge us in the deepest and darkest of gorges...smothering the life out of us...

May be we need to rise above all, know the real truth, not the 1 life presents us...But our own truth that helps us comprehend where we are headed...So that we may spring up a smile when situations force us into a grin...So that we may laugh at our helplessness...

LoSt OpPoRtUniTiEs.........

Perhaps its the depth of the night that's making me write this entry...or Probably the fact that m in my final year!!!(just the year to graduate....)what ever it may be....

Many friends we have, have become our very good friends becoz we had common interests like in same dept....or were in same family.....But some times i think bout a lot of people who could have been my very good friends...but for the lack of initiative from either side....

This question arose again today wen a guy in the mess asked me bout how i was...and told me how his studies were going on....i used to work with that guy long time back and we had a good talking term....but as soon as our common interest no longer existed....the talking term vanished....The thought of the lost opportunity to have a good relation with that person haunted me as i left the mess....Perhaps we could have been very good friends..perhaps we could have shared a lot in common if only i had been more proactive...if only i had taken the initiative to go and start the talk...who knows what would have been the case..

But as i pondered over this question i found out that this is not a very rare event in my life...there have been instances where the person i thought was very interesting and i many a times felt that person also wanted to talk....but i just didnt....Perhaps every 1 of us has some incidents where we wanted to be friends with some 1 but we just could'nt.

There was another person in my first year....whom i wanted to be my friend....i just wanted to know about him...but he was not willing to open up....and unfortunately i stopped trying..we probably because of difference in branches...2 years later the person sends me a hi on gtalk...he said he thought about things that happened 2 years back...he said he was perturbed 1 day and wanted to talk to me...but never called...he was sorry he never opened up to me....and told me a secret of his....but still i didnt pay head to it...i just lost it...

i do regret what all i loose by not being open....tell the world what is true me.....